


Give Me a Light.

by primroseprint



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Reader-Insert, Smoking, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-08-10 06:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7833313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primroseprint/pseuds/primroseprint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elliot notices a beautiful young girl goes out onto the fire escape almost every night to smoke. He finds interest in her and hacks her. Then, one chilly autumn morning, he reluctantly joined her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. High.

She was out on the fire escape again. It was where she always went at odd hours of the night to smoke. Sometimes it would be pot and the earthy smell would fill my apartment and make me desperate for the same high.

Hello, again. It’s been a long time since we’ve chatted. An even longer time since we’ve chatted about her. The back of her hair was mesmerizing to look at from his fire escape window. I could watch it all day. Sometimes, I did. She’d be out there so long. Sometimes reading, other times just sitting and watching the sky. I had to know more. Who was she?

____ ____. Twenty-six. She worked at a local strip joint as a bartender or dancer. I’m not sure which. Her attire suggested dancer. She had lived downstairs for a while now, I could always smell the pot she smoked, as it rose through the ventilation system, and for the longest time I thought it was Shayla. That was, until she died. I realized it had been her the whole time. From what I’ve seen she never really talks to other people in the building. Her social media suggests she’s not from here. Most of her photos are tagged with the location of New Jersey. Up until a few months back. Now all of them were tagged with places around New York. She doesn’t have many friends. None of her messages are new, most at least eight months old.

Deciding on a whim, I joined her out on the fire escape. It was five in the morning, but I had no intentions of sleeping. I grabbed my pack of rarely used cigarettes and jumped out onto the metal structure. The noise startled her into turning around. She had beautiful eyes. Her features were even more alluring in person.

I sat about two feet from her, not wanting to invade her space. I flicked the lighter. Once. Twice. Three times. The chilly autumn breeze wasn’t having it.

She smiled at me and put the end of her cigarette to mine and the embers lit the paper at the end of my cigarette alight.

She was wearing an extremely revealing corset complete with garters and heels. An expensive looking mink coat over her shoulders. The wine red lipstick on her lips was smudged off by her cigarette. Her eyes were bloodshot. Maybe from exhaustion, maybe from crying. It wasn’t any of my concern.

“I suppose you can’t sleep either?” She questioned, not bothering to look my way. I simply shook my head.

“My name’s ____.” I already knew that. “Thanks for sitting out here with me.” She chuckled as she took a long drag of her cigarette.

“Why?” I asked barely audible. I brought my hood up over my head, trying to retreat into it. Maybe this had been a bad idea.

“You know, we’re up pretty high.” She changed the subject. I didn’t bother answering, expecting her to elaborate. “You ever wonder what would happen if you fell?” She looked absently at the ground below her.

That was why. She was going to jump. That was going to be her last cigarette. This would be her last sunrise.

In a way I had saved her.

I’m glad I did.


	2. Rain.

It was a quiet night. Everything around me was still. All except my thoughts. I couldn’t focus on anything. I couldn’t think about sleep. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten some sleep. What I wouldn’t do for maybe an hour or two. Nights like this one, I yearned to hear her heels _click clack_ against the metal fire escape. It was Friday night. She was working until five in the morning. Then she would take two subways and walk the rest of the way home.

 

I hacked her credit cards. She always purchases two tickets.

 

It was a rainy night. I hoped she wasn’t caught out in the rain. Maybe I should check on her later to see if she’s got a cold.

 

It was then that I heard the familiar _click clack_. Tonight she was sporting a bralette made entirely from circular crystals that covered her in just the right places, with a black leather jacket and dark denim jeans. She took her usual places on the fire escape, right in front of my window. I stumbled out to join her.

 

She smiled my way and patted the spot next to her. “Hey.” She greeted me simply.

 

I gave a small smile in return as I took my usual seat next to her.

 

This was the third time we had met like this. The last time was full of silent drags and sighs. She had asked my name, as I had neglected to tell her our first meeting.

 

 _“Elliot.”_ Was all I had responded. The rest of the time was sat merely taking in each other’s existence.

 

Not this time. This time, I’d try speaking to her. Although the idea of conversation made my palms sweat, Angela always pestered me to exercise my social skills.

 

“So, what do you do for work, _Elliot_?” The way my name rolled off her tongue made it sound ten times more special than normal. It was such a drab name, but she made it sound like a name fit for a king.

 

“I’m a techie over at AllSafe Cyber Security.” She hummed. “What about you?”

 

She chuckled lightly as she pulled out some brown paper and a small baggy of marijuana. “I dance naked while old perverts throw money at me.” She began to roll the joint with her perfectly manicured acrylic nails. Licking the end of the joint, she brought one end to her lips. Today she was wearing a deep violet color on her lips. She lit the end of the joint and took a long drag. The earthy smell filled the air.

 

She looked to me and held out the joint in offering. I took it from her fingers and inhaled deeply. This is the best shit I’ve had since Shayla died.

 

“Who do you buy from?”

 

“This guy comes by my job every so often. The place is really just a huge drug front. Most of the girls do _way_ harder shit than this. Crack, coke, morphine.”

 

_Morphine?_

 

No. I can’t get back on it. I’ve been clean ever since Shayla. _No._

 

“I guess this isn’t your first time smoking pot, huh?” I shook my head. “Who do you buy from? I know this is a seedy part of town but I haven’t exactly seen people hanging around street corners.”

 

“I used to buy from this girl downstairs.”

 

I guess she could tell it was a touchy subject and she stopped talking as she plucked the joint from my hands.

 

The rain subsided to a light drizzle and she stuck her hand out from the shelter of the makeshift awning of the fire escape above them. A small smile spread across her lips.

 

“The rain is real nice. I always liked it, even as a kid.” She brought her hand back to her body, looking down at the beads of water along her skin. “My mom would always make us turn off the TV during a storm and we’d all awkwardly gather in the living room. I’d read and listen to the rain pitter patter against our roof. It was always sobering.”

 

I wasn’t sure why she was telling me this, but hearing her speak of her childhood made me feel as if I’d broken a layer in our relationship. We were no longer silent smoking buddies. We were now acquaintances.

She took another drag of the joint. “You don’t talk much do you?” She asked.

 

“I’m not really good at the whole conversation thing.” I admitted looking down at my feet dangling below me.

 

“I didn’t want to bore you to death with all my talking.” She laughed, leaning back on one hand as she passed the joint back to me.

 

I shook my head and put it to my lips. “It’s fine.”

 

“I’ll crack you Elliot. I’ll get you to tell me about you. I’ll get you to speak.” She stood and made her way down the fire escape to her window.

 

_I’ll see you tomorrow._


	3. Blankets.

Surely, I did. And every day after that. Until three months later, I saw her again. Although, not on the fire escape. 

There were two quick raps on the door. I opened it to see it was her, shivering in my hallway. She was dressed in the Calvin Klein bralette and boyshort set I had seen many celebrities wearing on the front of Angela’s magazines. 

“Hey, um,” She noticed I had been staring at her body for about a second too long and she wrapped her arms around her chest. I found it ironic that she was modest despite her occupation. “Do you have a few blankets that I can borrow? It’s freezing downstairs and my heater is broken. I called maintenance on it but they can’t fix it until next week.”

I opened my door to her, silently inviting her in. She found her way to my couch and she collapsed down onto it. Her hair was everywhere and judging by her bloodshot eyes, she was suffering from insomnia as well. 

“I hope I’m not waking you or anything.” I shook my head as I sifted through my things for a blanket. 

I knew I didn’t have one, but her presence was nice. It made me feel less lonely. Even if she was only here for a few minutes. 

“I don’t see one.” I said after a few minutes of searching. “I’m not sure where it went, sorry.”

She smiled at me. “It’s alright.” She stood and made her way to my door. “Well, um…I know we don’t know each other very well, but would you mind if I slept here until my heater gets fixed?”

It’s not that I minded, but I wasn’t sure what it was like to have a roommate. It was a late Tuesday night and I had work in the morning. I’d feel horrible waking her from slumber. That was, if she ever got to sleep. 

Against my better judgement I said, “Yeah. Sure.”

She smiled, thanking me, and she said she was leaving to get a few things. She returned a bit later with a pillow and blanket from her bed and began to make her place on my couch. 

“Um, you can sleep in my bed, if you want.” I said, watching her. 

“Oh no, I can’t kick you out of your bed.” She shook her head.

“I don’t really mind.” 

She sighed, giving in and crawling under my sheets. “But you have to sleep here next to me. I’m not condemning you to sleeping on the couch.” 

I knew there was no use in arguing and simply crawled in next to her. The heat emanating from her body felt so foreign. I was so used to cool sheets enveloping my body and making my skin prickle. Not this time. She was here now. I felt compelled to reach out a hand and touch her back. 

“Elliot?” She said, shaking me from my thoughts. 

“You’re the only person I ever feel safe around. I know we barely know each other, but it feels like…” She laughed. “I don’t know.” 

I hummed in response, not really sure what to say. 

“I just feel like I can trust you. I can tell you’re broken, like me. I’m not sure what happened to you in your past, and I won’t ask. I just….” She sniffed a little. Was she crying? I couldn’t see because her back was to me, but her small shivers every now and again made it clear that she was. 

“Thank you.” 

This was the second time she had thanked me for something I hadn’t known I had done. 

 

I woke up a few hours later at the sound of my alarm. It was six o’clock in the morning. When I woke up her face was buried in my chest, her arms wrapped around my torso. 

I leaned over to turn off my alarm and got up carefully as to not wake her. She turned over in her sleep, wrapping her arms around a pillow to compensate for the now empty space. 

She had slept after all.


	4. Noises.

“Elliot,” Angela approached me as I was leaving work. “Have you had a girl over lately?” She raised an eyebrow at me.

 

A week had passed and maintenance still hadn’t come by to fix her heater. She was still there, even now.

 

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Why?” I drew out the last syllable. How had she known you were there?

 

“I dropped by the other night. I heard,” She stopped to clear her throat. “Some, like… noises.”

 

“What kind of noises?”

 

“Like…like the hardcore porno kind. I just left because I figured you were busy so…”

 

 _Fuck_. That wasn’t me. I had never had sex with her.

 

_Was she fucking other people in my bed?_

 

No. She wouldn’t. Would she?

 

I just laughed it off and awkwardly walked off. _Shit_. Was she fucking other people? Why did it matter? Why do I care?

 

Well, besides the fact it was my bed.

 

I just wanted it to not be true, but Angela would never make that up. I had to get home and ask her about it.

 

 

 

“ _What?_ ” She asked as if I’d accused her of murdering a puppy.

 

“She asked if I had a girl over because she heard a girl moaning. Did you bring someone in here?” I asked straightforwardly. There was no need in dancing around the question or investigating. I just _had_ to know, but I didn’t know why.

 

“Of course not! How trashy do you think I am? If I really wanted dick, then I could’ve weathered a few euphoric minutes of fucking cold, Elliot.” She sneered.

 

Oh no. I made her upset. She was mad. Fuck. “I didn’t mean it bad, I just…”

 

“The noise came from me, if you most know.”

 

 _What?_ “Then, what were y-“

 

It suddenly occurred to me. _She had been touching herself_.

 

Fuck.

 

Just thought of her lying on her back with two fingers inside herself.

 

 _No_. I couldn’t think like that. She was my roommate for now. It would make things awkward. But now that the thought had entered my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. What she would sound like, the faces she’d make.

 

“Yeah.” She smiled sheepishly down at her shoes. “I forgot how thin these walls are. You can tell Angela it was just me. Sorry if I got you in trouble.”

 

What had she meant by that?

 

“Why would you have?”

 

“Wait, Angela’s not your girlfriend?” She asked.

 

“No.”

 

“Oh.” She hummed. She looked slightly…relieved?

 

 

The next day I returned to work and explained the thing to Angela so she wouldn’t assume anything later, in case the two girls ended up meeting.

 

“Really?” Angela asked surprised.

 

I simply nodded. It felt weird outing her business like that.

 

“I could’ve _sworn_ I heard her say your name.”

 

_Had she been moaning my name? Was she thinking about me?_

 

She was touching herself.

 

To the thought of me.

 

Fuck, I wasn’t gonna sleep well next to her tonight.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reader is a hoe for elliot


	5. Ultraviolet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yo if you care the song PERFECT/PARFAIT by Tyler, The Creator feat. Kali Uchis is the song reader dances to and can be heard here:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIqVCJWSoeE

It was a Friday. She had to be at work by eight and it was already quarter ‘til. I had just gotten home and at the creak of the door she called out for me.

 

_“Elliot!”_

 

I peeked into the bathroom where she stood in front of the mirror touching up her makeup. Her makeup was dark and elegant tonight. Very dramatic. It reminds me of the movie _Black Swan_.

 

“Can you do me a _huge_ favor and buy me some tampons?”

 

_Well, that’s not what I was expecting._

 

“I’m working until seven today and this one tampon up my vagina now isn’t going to last that long.”

 

The thought was a bit gross. How would she strip with a tampon up there? Maybe it was a common practice. It just seemed very unsound. In school Angela would wear tampons all the time, but still end the day with a big bloody red patch on the back of her pants.

 

“I need the expensive good kind. That all-nighter heavy flow shit. I need it to soak up the Katrina level flood that’s popping off in my vaj right now.”

 

“Yeah, totally. Do you have time for me to come back with them, though?”

 

She shook her head frantically as she checked her phone for the time.

 

“Just deliver them to the club, pretty please.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll get them to you as soon as I can.” I had to take one subway up to the drugstore and then two to the club she danced at. The whole trip would take about thirty minutes. Forty-five if there’s a lot of stops on the subway tonight.

 

“Thank you, Elliot. You are the greatest.”

 

 

 

The box was nicely wrapped up in a CVS bag as I approached the club. Bright neon sea green lights brightly shown the club name.

 

_Ultraviolet._

 

It was a horribly poetic name. Ultraviolet lights were rather beautiful to look at, well at least in _my_ opinion. They were beautiful, but oh so horrible for your body. They were only good in small doses, you’re exposed to too much, and issues arise.

 

Much like strippers.

 

How? You fall in love with a dancer at a club, you show up every night they’re there. You spend every penny you have on them. For a smile, a gaze in your direction, or on rare occasions a small lingering touch that would leave goosebumps on your skin. Then, once you’ve fallen in too deep and your wife leaves with the kids because she finds out where all the money went, it’s too late. The girl on stage doesn’t want you. She wants your money. Now she has it.

 

I’m struck out of my daze as I see her strut out on stage.

 

“Our star here at club Ultraviolet, the one I know you all came here for, the cutie with a booty, Celeste!”

 

Her stage name was _sun_. In a way it was cliché, but it was alluring. The sun too, was like ultraviolet rays. Stare too long and suddenly you lose sight of everything.

 

She probably chose that name for that reason.

 

Tonight, her outfit consisted of a white bodysuit with a v-neckline that ventured far down past her breasts and stopped at the belly button. A satin tie was the only thing keeping the thing from bursting. Once she turned everyone could see your butt as the back of the suit was nothing more than a piece of floss. The shoes looked akin to the Dior ones she had been saving to buy. They were made of clear plastic looking material with a blue see through heel. The owner was always buying the dancers lavish gifts, according to her. This must’ve been one of them. She looked absolutely angelic.

 

Once at the end of the stage you pose as the music cues in.

 

_Boy I know, that we could be more than just friends,_

_But you’re scared._

Her hips move rhythmically to the bass as she hook a leg around the silver pole under golden lights.

 

_You and I are cut from different fabric._

_Don’t be too material to see._

 

I watch every small flinch she makes as she spin around the pole elegantly. As she leans back leaving on one leg to support herself, her hair nearly sweeps the ground of the stage. Reaching up for the pole, she hoists herself up.

 

_Fuck ‘em all baby it’s just you and me._

 

She does an elegant flip and her face is to the ground and butt fully visible to the audience in the thong she was wearing. Men threw money as she spread her legs slowly spread apart and end up being at a one eighty degree angle. Wrapping your legs back around the pole, you begin to spin once more in the upside down position.

 

_You make me better._

_And I know it don’t make sense,_

_But you make me better._

Her legs come back down to a vertical sanding position and slide down into a split as the woman singing on the track scats in the background.

 

The last thing we see is her bright smile to the audience before disappearing into the darkness as the outro guitar chords played.

 

Men were screaming and throwing money onto the stage. Everyone was very clearly drunk and more than likely tossing away their entire paycheck.

 

_“Fridays are always the best. Fat old working men show up with their paycheck sitting in their pocket. Then, there week’s salary becomes mine. On top of all my tips, I get paid twenty dollars an hour, then time and a half for overtime. Being a stripper is such an amazing profession. I don’t know why stuck up old ladies always frown upon it.”_

I tell the man at the front of the dressing rooms I was here to deliver something to one of the dancers. He peeks his head in and asks if anyone was expecting a visitor. Then, he asks my name.

 

“Elliot.”

 

She peeks out from the dressing room at me, wearing nothing but a thin robe. It was cold so I could see her hardened nipples stand against the thin fabric.

 

“Oh my fuck, finally!” She takes the bag from my hand. “Vicki, he brought them!” She yelled to another dancer and a pale girl with long dyed ash grey hair looked up.

 

“Is _that_ Elliot?” A dark skinned girl with large curls in her hair asked. It was hard to tell if she meant it negatively or not.

 

She took my hand suddenly and pulled me inside. “Come on, the girls want to meet you.” She notices my spacey expression and sweaty palms as I pull my hand away. “Fuck, I forgot. Sorry. You don’t have to if-”

 

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” I reassured her, taking a deep breath as I followed her inside.

 

It would’ve been any man’s dream. A little over a dozen girls of all physical attributes naked or just about, in one room.  I felt nothing but uneasiness.

 

They all smiled brightly and greeted me when they saw my nervous smile.

 

“So this is Elliot, the guy I hang with. Elliot, this is Victoria, Evelyn, Taryn, Zoey, Alyshena, Mikaela, Falen, Megan, Anne, Rachel, Kathryn, and Jo Lin.” Everyone waved.

 

“Thanks for the tampons, Elliot. My boyfriend would never. You are a saint among men.” Taryn, a girl with bright red hair and freckles all along her face and shoulders, said.

 

“Yeah, we’re all so close that we’ve all synced up our crimson wave to make one big crimson tsunami. Save for Rachel, who’s late as fuck. Told you to wrap it up, bitch.”

 

“Shut the fuck up.” Rachel, the girl with tanned skin and black hair that nearly touched her belly button, sneered. “I better not be fucking pregnant, I swear to God.”

 

“Elliot would watch the little critter while we’re at work.” Everyone laughed. I was unsure what to do or say so I simply smiled.

 

“Elliot, babe, you’re among friends. We don’t bite.” Falen said while brushing her bleached blonde hair that laid elegantly along her dark shoulders.

 

Victoria nudged her in the side before whispering “He has anxiety.”

 

_How much did she talk about me?_

“Well, thanks for bringing them, Elliot.” Zoey, a girl with a short boyish cut, smiled my way before digging into the box. “Unless you wanna watch like ten girls change their tampons, you should probably get out of here.”

 

“Jeez, you’re just kicking her boyfriend out.” Falen chastised.

 

Her eyes grew wide as she shook her head. “Oh, no no we’re not dating.” You gave a nervous laugh.

 

_Wow, awful quick to dismiss the idea._

 

“Ah, sorry. I just assumed-“

 

I walked out of the dressing room.

 

Then, out of the club.

 

Then, I was on my way to the subways to leave the borough.  Hopefully, I wouldn’t have to wait too long to get home.


	6. Genevieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: if you're triggered by mention of suicide or related subjects, there will be some towards the end of the chapter. just a heads up.
> 
> ok look so in the middle of the chapter i write that reader was in love with a girl named jess. if you're straight, feel free to just pretend it's a boy idc. i just wrote it as a girl because i feel like everyone just assumes all readers are straight?? like i'm super pan and i want more lgbt representation in writing, but i digress, once again, just a heads up.

I don't get it.

 

I don't get  _her_. 

 

Her game of hot-cold was exhausting and confusing. One day she's over laying in my bed, smiling happily, but the next day she's ice cold and distant, glaring at me from across the hallway. 

 

I told myself I'd never do it again. Not to her. 

 

_But now I have to._

 

This is killing me.  _She_ _'s_ killing me. Maybe I'll find something about me. Good or bad. At least then I'll know whether or not to pursue this. To pursue  _her_.  _  
_

 

The password to her router is easy and mundane as anyone else's. It made no sense when I first hacked her, but now that I know more than her apartment number it all makes sense.  _Genevieve_. It was the street she grew up on. She talked about it like it was the most comforting and amazing place ever. 

 

_"When I lived there, there were a bunch of kids. Mostly girls. We were all okay friends, but my favorite was a girl named Jess. She had pretty black hair and deep brown eyes. I remember her being really tall and athletic. I wasn't good at very much as far as sports, so I just went to her games. I didn't realize until years later that I was in love with her. Like real, pure, unadulterated love. I told her how I felt, and then the next day she just disappeared. Weird, huh? Her family never moved, even to the day I left. Her parents never spoke about her, they just acted like she never existed. I always wondered where she went. I got a letter from her a few days ago. She got kicked out. Disowned. She's somewhere in California now. I loved that street. Genevieve Street. I think I loved it there because she was there. I wanna go back there. I wish I could go back there."_

 

I never knew whether she meant back to those days or back to the street. I didn't bother asking as I heard her voice break on the last few words. This was a part of herself that she was sharing with me and I dared not tread any farther.

 

Her words never made much sense. Much like her history. Nothing made much sense, and nothing hinted at her past.  _How to make garbage smell less? Waste Away by blackbear. CNN. How to get dog scent out of your clothes? How to delete your Facebook?_

 

Fuck. Had she deleted it? 

 

The password is the same as all the others. _Genevieve._

 

Thank, God. If there truly was one, he pitied my small almost-relationship. 

 

The same old stuff littered her profile. Dog pictures, her mother's psalm quotes, a baby being born, a new relationship. Nothing important. Nothing except one new message. Received a minute ago from a Jonny Kramer.

 

_i know where you are, you little whore. meet me or suffer._

 

She read it.  _Shit_.  _Who's this guy?_  

 

Her search history became frantic.

 

_how to change identities_

 

_how to move countries_

 

_plastic surgery_

 

_name change_

 

Whoever  _Jonny_ was, he had to be an asshole. He must've done something big to scare her this much. I had to find him. Who is Jonny Kramer? How had he hurt you?

 

Suddenly, other search results pinged onto the screen. 

 

_how to tie a noose_

_effects of overdose on pain killers_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, i'd like to just explain a thing for those of you who read these or care. so, some things the reader character says will make no fucking sense. i know, and it's intended. the scene where reader is rambling on about geneveive st., it's not supposed to make coherent sense. it's not what that means, it's why she said it. she's sharing bits of herself with elliot. bits that she feels is somewhat important. i'm trying to create a very broken character and it's known that mentally unstable/unhealthy people will do this sort of thing. 
> 
> just explaining because i've had people on other platforms tell me my reader character was stupid or made no sense because of her weird/unrelatable dialogue. ok thanks if you read this! <3


	7. Running.

After 2 minutes of frantic thinking, I heard your door open and close upstairs. 

 

 _Shit! I have to find something. An excuse to talk to her. To tell her I_ need  _her._

 

I ran around for some time looking for an article of clothing or that belonged to her or an album she'd left. Something.  _Anything._

 

I felt my breathing falter as my hand ran over a DVD.  _The Careful Massacre of the Bourgeois._ Perfect. You'd stumbled across it one day while mindlessly wandering about and exploring my small collection of things.

 

"Yo! You _have this_?" I nodded. "This movie is  _impossible_ to find on DVD. I've been meaning to watch it online for forever now." You looked down at the plastic cover adorned with fake blood splatters and the iconic mask. "I'll have to borrow this one day." You smiled.

 

I hurried up the steps, heart beating erratically, breathing unsteady. It was funny how I got attached to something that wasn't mine. She probably never would be, but I had to try. She definitely wouldn't be if she were dead. 

 

In my deep inner monologue I crashed into her. She felt to the ground and stared blankly at the ceiling on her back. 

 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I-" She whimpered. She laid there on the carpeted hallway like a dying puppy. "Are you alright?" Tears glossed her eyes over. 

 

"No." She answered as a tear ran down her cheek. "I have to go." She began to stand, but quickly collapsed to her knees and began wailing. 

 

I felt the urge to reach out and touch her, but was repulsed at the thought of skin on skin. But her skin was fine, right? Would she even let me touch her? Fuck, how do I- 

 

"Why is it always like this? I'm always running. I'm so tired of running Elliot. I'm just...so... _tired._ " She held her face in her hands. Her mascara was creating deep oil colored lines down her face. She sniffed. "It's best if you forget you knew me." 

 

"Why would I wanna do that?" I asked, throat dry. I hadn't noticed I was whispering until after I had spoke. Despite my best judgement, I crouched down to her to look her in the eye. 

 

"He'll kill you. He's never satisfied." Oh great, the pronoun game. I assume she means Kramer. "But, I...I can't go back." She began to breath raspy. "I can't go back, Elliot!" She shouted, shaking. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey kids, this was short but i'm gonna try to get the next part out v soon. with where i wanted this to go i didn't feel right putting it all in one chapter so i broke it up.


	8. Chase.

"I can help you." I said shakily. "I just need to know what's going on."

 

"No!" She shouted. "No one can help me and that's the way it is. I'm doomed to be caught or self destruct in the chase." 

 

"Let's...go inside." I said as an elderly woman eyed us from the doorway of her apartment. She climbed to her feet, still sniffling. The tears had stopped, but I knew that was temporary. As we walked through the door she collapsed down on her olive couch. The apartment smelled like her. Like, citrus and weed. Her hair smelled so amazing, like the sweetest lemons-

 

 _Snap out of it, Elliot!_ I have to focus. "Can you tell me what's happened?" I ask as she buries her face into her pillow. 

 

"I was so stupid.  _So fucking stupid._ I dated this dude, we did drug runs together. He was cool. An uppity rich kid, but cool. But I- _I had to get it together._ I got off of the hard drugs, and he never did. When we started living together...that's when things went to shit. One minute I'm all he wants. All he loved.But, I'd make simple clumsy mistakes and...he'd throw things. He'd yell. He'd grab me. Suddenly, I was an abomination on Earth. I was a failure. His family didn't like me either. I was just another street whore he'd play with and throw away. But, he didn't get the chance. I ran. I just left without a note." 

 

"And now he's found you?" I asked. I could see her hair was sticking to her wet face and snot was running down her nose. 

 

"Ha, no. That was the first time. I moved to Florida. All the way across the United States, just to get away from him. I crashed with a few friends for a while until..." She began to wail again. "I'm sorry..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i'm literally writing the next chap now, fear not


	9. Caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,, just a warning,,, the last line might be triggering for sexual assault victims. skip this if it triggers you. the very last line is the only line where it's mentioned, and more than likely the last time.

_Sorry you can't reach me. I'll get back to you when I can._ Caitlyn's clear voice was on the other end of the line. She always answered the phone. It was 4:45, she should be home. Here comes the anxiety. 

 

 _She's fine_. 

 

_What if she's not?_

 

_He can't find us._

 

_He can._

 

_He did._

 

Heart pounding in my chest I got into my car and struggled to insert the keys. My hands were shaking so bad.  _Everything is fine_. That's what I told myself. That's not what I believed. I could try ringing Daniel. Maybe she left with him and her phone died. Yeah, that's what happened. Silly Caitlyn, always forgetting her phone charger. 

 

Before I realized it, I was pulling onto my street. I looked at the speedometer.  _65 miles per hour._ I eased my foot off the pedal. Have I been going this fast the whole time? My closest friend in Florida, the girl I'd known for all of a year and a half, this was why I were so worked up. I always begged her to answer her phone to keep from panicking like this, and for the most part she did. 

 

 _Except now_. 

 

_She's fine._

 

I turned around the bend passing every identical townhouse until I found ours. The blue hydrangeas Caitlyn planted were blooming brightly. I smiled remembering Caitlyn and I having the dirt fight in the middle of our humble garden. We still get weird looks from Ms. Schneider because of it. Amidst my thoughts, I hadn't noticed Caitlyn's missing car. She wasn't home.

 

I closed my eyes, trying to rationalize this.  _She's with Daniel. She's with Daniel._

 

I gave her another ring, yet receiving no answer. 

 

I fumbled in my purse for my keys and with heavy legs, walked to my door and shoved the key in the lock. I ran in, looking around. All was silent. I collapsed to my knees, assuming fetal position. 

 

_I changed my name, I moved across country, I got rid of my credit cards. How were you still able to find me?_

 

I recounted the message I had received a few days prior.  _I found you. How rude it was of you to run. I gave you everything and more. You're gonna pay._

 

There's no way. I can't call the police. If I take him down he's dragging me with him. He knows too much. 

 

Suddenly, something blunt made contact with my head and I heard the shatter of glass. It happened too fast for me to scream and I fell to my side. The warm liquid ran down my forehead and dripped onto my stark white carpet. I looked up, vision blurring to see him. His shaggy brown hair had been shaved down on the sides since I last saw him. He'd also grown a disgusting looking beard. 

 

"Didn't I tell you you'd suffer?" He spat my name as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. "You stupid little whore." 

 

"Jon...ny..." Was all I could manage to squeak out. I felt tears sting my eyes. My thoughts were clouded. All I could think about was that message.

 

 _You're gonna pay_. 

 

"We're going to the hospital. You're going to tell them you fell into this glass table." He motioned to the glass coffee table in the middle of our living room and he took a fairy figurine (which was owned by Caitlyn) and threw it into the table causing it to shatter. "Then, we'll come back here and you'll pack your shit and we're leaving." I began to cry and he grabbed me by my throat. "Shut the water works down. We don't have time for this." I began to become dizzy and the tears ran faster. 

 

"Just...ki...ll...me." 

 

"Oh no no no." He clicked his tongue. "You're mine. I  _bought_ you. I'm not done with you, until I say so." He slammed my head onto the ground. "You're going to stand by my side until your legs give out." 

 

On a sudden rush of confidence, or ill advised idiocy, I spat in his face. He laughed and grabbed me by my legs, dragging me up the steps. He let my head hit every stair. He dragged me into Caitlyn's bedroom and threw me down. I closed my eyes to picture myself somewhere else. 

 

Then, I heard his belt unbuckle.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try my hand at a Mr. Robot reader insert, so here you go. Also, I have posted this elsewhere on Quotev under the username Aestas. If my work is seen anywhere else, please let me know!


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